Now I'm not one for cliched inspirational sayings, the likes of which find themselves in purple caligraphy on coffee mugs accompanied by cherubs and pastel teddybears. However, today I must be forgiven for dipping my toe in the world of "Magic Happens" and "Dance like nobody is watching" just momentarily. Don't get me wrong; I'm not about to go and buy a pin-on guardian angel holding my birthstone or a framed poem about friendship, but today I am (inspite of my better judgement and sworn committment to lifelong cynicism) going to let this otherwise contemptible faux pas of triteness pass my usually brutal standards of judgement. Plus, I have things I want to say that I can't say explicitly, so fluffy generalisations seem the order of the day!

So, here a few words of wisdom from other life-contemplators, to whom I credit expressing certain things far more skillfully (and cryptically) than yours truly...

First something from an anonymous source (I know, bad start)...

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming."

John Baluch gets straight to the point, I like that in a man...

"Life marches by, I suggest you get on with it."

I like this one Bernard Berenson...

"Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated, but for our qualities."
André Gide was onto something back in 1926...

"The most decisive actions of our life... are most often unconsidered actions."

But so was M. Scott Peck...

"Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it's enough."

Let's throw in some Woody Allen for something lighter...

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions"

Lawrence Block I'll let your serendipity in only because it's not flowery...

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for."

And lastly, one I actually like (sarcasm aside) from Fredrick L.Collins...

"There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.""

So there you have it; a collection of bumper-sticker worthy phrases I chose in favour of conspicuously airing my dirty laundry...you should probably be greatful!

Don't forget your raincoat (for when you like dance in the rain and shit...) xx

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances." - Victor Hugo

So my new-found favourite waste of time, now that I own ridiculously addictive iTimewaster (aka iPhone), is to read useless but highly entertaining posts on sights likeTFLN (Texts from Last Night) and IIN (Is it normal?). One simply downloads said 'app' and proceeds to browse the stupid and not-so-tasteful rantings of drunken texters, useless ponderers and fellow time-wasters! Gold! "My bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles" texted 404 last night, "My math teacher staples Burger King applications to failed tests" says 541...see?! Pure, mindless, time-wasting entertainment at my fingertips!!

Then this from 1u5t on IIN..."Is it normal to hate overweight people?" !!!! Have to say I laughed for what must have been a good minute. Then I stopped; why was I laughing? Pretty funny and fairly wrong all at the same time - but could it be that the real reason was that someone said out loud what me, and dare I say it many others I know, really think deep down?! Could it be that I really am a highly superficial, fat-loathing bitch whose opinion of others forms in the first 30 seconds of the once-over? Do extra kilos or crooked teeth or last season's jeans really turn me away from people who might otherwise be perfectly aggreeable? The answer is, in a way, yes. Just like 1u5t, I will always hold looks right up there with life's priorities and judge before I should.

So now you're saying to yourself - who does she think she is, Barbie? No, no she doesn't. My outlook lies with the fact that we are, whether we like it or not, given a body in which to carry whatever else we choose to be or are born posessing. And we are, whether we admit it or not, confronted with the image of a person before all else - we have eyes. So if I smile at you and get a yellow toothed, ill-cared for smile in return, what do I assume? You can't afford a toothbrush? You were born with permanent plaque? Your breathe just smells like that naturally?! No people! I assume that you don't look after yourself and lack the self-respect and common sense (and basic hygeine!) to brush your freakin' teeth twice a day!! Should I be blamed for this judgement? Perhaps. Could I look past it? Perhaps. What would I do if you claimed you wouldn't make a similar assumption? Call you a liar.

So Mr. Hugo, world's biggest cynic and speaker of all things taboo...you, like my iPoster friend, have a point. Nobody's claiming perfection in conjunction with the judgements we make - let's face it, I'm a self-confessed iPhone junkie - but anyone who denies looks don't count is kidding themselves, their friends and their muffin-tops. Brush your hair and hit the gym people...judgement day awaits!!!

Don't forget your (size 6) raincoat! xx