They say love is blind but I'm not really sure. Legally blind or actually can't see a freakin' thing?! See there's a discrepency right there. The other day I walked into a shop to buy orange juice and I said can I please have that big one there with the yellow lid - she proceeded to hand me a tiny one with what I saw as a very orange lid! She wasn't blind...but she clearly couldn't see!!! Are there variations on what people deem yellow or was she just not listening? Did she really think her measly orange-topped bottle of drink was the one I was reffering to? Is that the 'blind' we're talking about? Selective blindness? Like when mum chooses to be 'blind' and shut the door on my knee-high pile of dirty washing? Or like the selective deafness my dog has when he doesn't want to come when he's called?

I think you say love is blind because you can't really understand why someone could believe in something that you clearly don't. It explains difference in viewpoints better than anything scientific or religious or even reasonable. You can't understand why Jim loves Mary despite her obviously being opposite to what he needs, so you assume he must be 'blind' - he must really believe the bottle-top is yellow when it's clearly orange. Jim only sees in Mary the things he likes, so you assume he must have some sort of disability of sight for not noticing the other things. He's blind, you say. Love is blind, you say. I wish I was in love, you say, I can see eveything as it is and I think I'd rather be 'blind.'

Don't forget your raincoat x



Lie under grey clouds, not just under stars,
talk when there's nothing to say.
Send me a postcard, from your hometown,
give Christmas presents in May.

Smile at the strangers, laugh at the wind,
walk slowly in a bustling street.
Drink coffee at nighttime, wear red with pink,
and offer the old man a seat.

Look in the fifth draw, not just the first,
consider it might be ok.
Make friends with children, pay cash for shoes,
smile at the end of the day.

Count all your soldiers, not just the eggs,
go rainbow instead of green.
Dance when you're tired, sing when you're hoarse,
look back and see where you've been.

Don't forget your raincoat xx

/ˈstreɪndʒər/ Show Sp

  

Now I'm not one for cliched inspirational sayings, the likes of which find themselves in purple caligraphy on coffee mugs accompanied by cherubs and pastel teddybears. However, today I must be forgiven for dipping my toe in the world of "Magic Happens" and "Dance like nobody is watching" just momentarily. Don't get me wrong; I'm not about to go and buy a pin-on guardian angel holding my birthstone or a framed poem about friendship, but today I am (inspite of my better judgement and sworn committment to lifelong cynicism) going to let this otherwise contemptible faux pas of triteness pass my usually brutal standards of judgement. Plus, I have things I want to say that I can't say explicitly, so fluffy generalisations seem the order of the day!

So, here a few words of wisdom from other life-contemplators, to whom I credit expressing certain things far more skillfully (and cryptically) than yours truly...

First something from an anonymous source (I know, bad start)...

"Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming."

John Baluch gets straight to the point, I like that in a man...

"Life marches by, I suggest you get on with it."

I like this one Bernard Berenson...

"Life has taught me that it is not for our faults that we are disliked and even hated, but for our qualities."
André Gide was onto something back in 1926...

"The most decisive actions of our life... are most often unconsidered actions."

But so was M. Scott Peck...

"Never ignore a gut feeling, but never believe that it's enough."

Let's throw in some Woody Allen for something lighter...

"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions"

Lawrence Block I'll let your serendipity in only because it's not flowery...

"Serendipity. Look for something, find something else, and realize that what you've found is more suited to your needs than what you thought you were looking for."

And lastly, one I actually like (sarcasm aside) from Fredrick L.Collins...

"There are two types of people - those who come into a room and say, "Well, here I am!" and those who come in and say, "Ah, there you are.""

So there you have it; a collection of bumper-sticker worthy phrases I chose in favour of conspicuously airing my dirty laundry...you should probably be greatful!

Don't forget your raincoat (for when you like dance in the rain and shit...) xx

"It is only shallow people who do not judge by appearances." - Victor Hugo

So my new-found favourite waste of time, now that I own ridiculously addictive iTimewaster (aka iPhone), is to read useless but highly entertaining posts on sights likeTFLN (Texts from Last Night) and IIN (Is it normal?). One simply downloads said 'app' and proceeds to browse the stupid and not-so-tasteful rantings of drunken texters, useless ponderers and fellow time-wasters! Gold! "My bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles" texted 404 last night, "My math teacher staples Burger King applications to failed tests" says 541...see?! Pure, mindless, time-wasting entertainment at my fingertips!!

Then this from 1u5t on IIN..."Is it normal to hate overweight people?" !!!! Have to say I laughed for what must have been a good minute. Then I stopped; why was I laughing? Pretty funny and fairly wrong all at the same time - but could it be that the real reason was that someone said out loud what me, and dare I say it many others I know, really think deep down?! Could it be that I really am a highly superficial, fat-loathing bitch whose opinion of others forms in the first 30 seconds of the once-over? Do extra kilos or crooked teeth or last season's jeans really turn me away from people who might otherwise be perfectly aggreeable? The answer is, in a way, yes. Just like 1u5t, I will always hold looks right up there with life's priorities and judge before I should.

So now you're saying to yourself - who does she think she is, Barbie? No, no she doesn't. My outlook lies with the fact that we are, whether we like it or not, given a body in which to carry whatever else we choose to be or are born posessing. And we are, whether we admit it or not, confronted with the image of a person before all else - we have eyes. So if I smile at you and get a yellow toothed, ill-cared for smile in return, what do I assume? You can't afford a toothbrush? You were born with permanent plaque? Your breathe just smells like that naturally?! No people! I assume that you don't look after yourself and lack the self-respect and common sense (and basic hygeine!) to brush your freakin' teeth twice a day!! Should I be blamed for this judgement? Perhaps. Could I look past it? Perhaps. What would I do if you claimed you wouldn't make a similar assumption? Call you a liar.

So Mr. Hugo, world's biggest cynic and speaker of all things taboo...you, like my iPoster friend, have a point. Nobody's claiming perfection in conjunction with the judgements we make - let's face it, I'm a self-confessed iPhone junkie - but anyone who denies looks don't count is kidding themselves, their friends and their muffin-tops. Brush your hair and hit the gym people...judgement day awaits!!!

Don't forget your (size 6) raincoat! xx

Its fierce eyes stare at me with an intensity that burns. It burns through my skin and singes the delicate edges of who I thought I was. Burning eyes and stinging needles hang off my arms and neck like a needy child, clawing at pieces of good and tarnishing their shine. Sometimes it thinks it’s hiding, but I can feel it there, like the monster you know is under your bed. They’re the red bloodshot eyes of a murderer, yet they’re the big blue innocent ones of a child; I can’t see them and I can all at once. My body’s transparent but my actions are as opaque and real as the black paint dripping from my forehead. There are words painted there that I don’t need to see to read. Drip. The paint’s cold but each letter burns into me like a brand. My chest is black with dripping paint and the whole world is laughing. I try to wrap myself around who I seem to be, but all that results is more black stains. The eyes are laughing like they can’t even see me. The nails are scratching an indecipherable pattern across my back. I burn, I ache, I seethe. But I won’t cry. There is nothing to be afraid of. Stop staring. It’s only me.

- don't forget your raincoat...

Did you ever meet the man who never dreamed and never loved,
and never laughed and never cried and never bled?
Did you ever see his vacant eyes, his white hair, his shut lips,
his empty room, and empty life, and empty bed?

"Keep me from the madness and the sadness and the hurt,
do not let the pain of  loss enter my head,
Shield me against emotion, strong attachment, risk and chance,
so that I shall never be let down" he said.

Did you ever meet the man who always cried and always jumped
and always risked and always wished and always fell?
Did you ever see his wrinkled mouth, his shining eyes, his smile,
his warmth, his calm, and rich wisdom as well?

He said "Throw me into a sea of pleasure and of pain,
let me love, and let me lose, and let me cry,
For if I have never felt the hurt I cannot feel the joy,
the light, the love, the sea, the earth, the sky."


 Don't forget your raincoat x

We're packing our boxes and counting our days. We can see the end now and feel it creeping up on us; we're not buying green bananas. We've held certain hands tighter than others over the past 6 months, but now we are squeezing those hands tighter than ever as we fear the moment when we'll have to let them go. We've had a concentrated version of friendship; everything more heightened and accelarated than normal. Then again, this is no normal life we lead.

We'll all eventually land back on home soil and return to something that seems so removed from what we have been living. We call it 'home,' we call it 'normality,' but deep down we know that some part of us wants to say that here and now is home. Two homes is too hard, two lives is too hard, but we have them and we live them and we will survive.

Different lives in far off places will soon resume, and somehow the emotional survival mechanisms we have will, no matter how much we deny it, detatch us partyly from the connections we feel so strongly now. We exchange addresses and make promises, forcing ourselves to ignore the reality of distance. Ignoring the reality that this time was unique and will never come again in quite the same way it has. The reality that soon something will die that can never be revived; something is ending.

So more now than ever we must embrace that overused cliche and "seize the day." The here and now is always transient, but our 'here and now' is so fleeting and unique that it's parts will never again form to resemble exactly what it is. These days are as fragile as glass slippers, but don't spend your time tiptoing around them and wrapping them up in bubble-wrap; put on those glass slippers cinderella and make use of them, even if you know they will eventually shatter. The broken shards will be enough to remember them by.

Carpe Diem bitches!

Don't forget your raincoat (the one with the crystal buttons!) x

February 1st 2010

Snow fell from the sky like tiny parachutes floating to a safe landing. It felt as if nothing more than air was surrounding us, but the snowflakes were as real as the frozen ground under our feet as we looked up at the black and white polka-dot sky. Those snowy fireflies flying around us must have carried happiness on their wings, for as the snow covered us so too a fever spread over everyone and the joy in the air was as thick as the snow. There was nothing to do but run in excitement, swim in laughter and dance in snow.

Don't forget you're raincoat...and gloves, hat, coat thermals and snow boots!! xx

Change: to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is or from what it would be if left alone: to change one's name; to change one's opinion; to change the course of history.

So what would it be 'if left alone?' Is change inevitable; parter of some bigger plan, or do we cause the change so that what we want becomes possible?

It's almost impossible to figure that one out I've decided. First of all, to answer that question you'd need to know exactly what it is you want, how much of that is conscious and how much subconscious, and whether or not your actions occurr unwittingly or are carried out knowingly or both...too hard already!!! Haven't even got to the real question yet!

I'm pondering all this because there are changes going on in this little life of mine, and also in my head; in the way I think, and I'm wondering why and how they're happening. I don't really believe in a god or a greater power and I have my doubts about fate, but I do see that sometimes things deserve to be taken for more than simply actions, events and thoughts - sometimes you can't ignore the possibility they're affected actions, pre-empted events and motivated thoughts.

I believe in a lot of things: love, hope, committment, honesty, the soul; but I also believe that we are ultimately in control of ourselves. We all posess sense, logic and reason, which should be enough to manouvre our way around the maze of life's questions and answers with relative ease, yet we all (well I speak for myself, and assume the majority) feel the need to fill that small portion of thought that is left with some sort of doubt as to why we are what we are and do what we do. My answer: I don't know. Others put it down to a god, a greater power, an almighty spirit or force that watches over and governs our lives. I'm not saying there isn't. But thus far I don't believe there is. Perhaps I've become too cynical after reading Catherine Deveny's viciously Atheist views on religion, but some things she did struck a chord with me. My opinions are by no means parallel to hers, but I had to stop and think when she included this: "...it was Galileo who said, 'I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.'..."

Sometimes I wish I believed in more than humans; more than reality - putting everything in God's power sounds more comforting than believing in the will of human race that at times seems lost. I wish I could put changes in my life down to something other than thoughts and actions that are vehicles for my ultimate wants and desires (whether I know what they are or not). But unfortunately together with my belief in the self, I also must believe in selfishness and pursuit of personal happiness, often over and above that of others. I wish I didn't, but I wouldn't be honest if I didn't admit to prioritising myself, my feelings, my thoughts, above other things. Perhaps that's the problem, perhaps I need to learn more. Perhaps there is something bigger than me that I'll discover I can rationalise and believe in. I am a realist; too rational and too sceptical. Perhaps I need to learn...I believe in that too.

Don't forget your raincoat...the weather might change! xx